SheleftforAmericakickingandscreaming.Shealmost
seemedtoforgetshehadwillinglysubmittedthe
applicationherself,theconsequencesofherownchoices
eclipsedbyherprincipledcommitmenttopleasingothers.
Shehadalreadymadeuphermindontheculture,the
ethics,thelackofpublictransportation,America’sblind
devotiontofaith,anddistrustincommunity—orin
anythingelsesheseemedtovalue,forthatmatter.
THERE [06:13]
Just give it a shot darling.
THERE [06:13]
Justgiveitashotdarling.
there [06:14]
You will love it.
there [06:14]
Youwillloveit.
Ithadbecomeapointofpridetodragherfeetthewhole
wayacrosstheAtlanticocean–atonceareflectionofher
fearofdeparture,andaperformanceforthoseleftbehind.
Herbeliefintheexpansivenessofherownworldviews
onlygrewstrongerasshesattherealone,pickingather
macandcheesewiththecheapplasticcutleryfromthe
studenthall,convincedoftheunfoundedjudgementshe
hadalreadymadeaboutherclassmates.Unlikethe
coddled,thesheltered,andthesuburb-raised,shewas
opinionated,well-traveled,andmultilingual.Althoughshe
wouldneverperceivetheironyinit,sherelentlessly
devouredAmericanexportsandregurgitatedits
progressiverhetoricintocritiquesofherstiffhome
systems.Shegrewupgoingtopunkshowsfilledwith
thoughtfuladdicts,wasgiventhefreedomtowalkhome
lateatnightgigglingwithhergirlfriends,hidingfrom
lurkingmenincars.Shetellspeopleshealmostgotintoa
streetfightonce.Inreality,shestoodpetrifiedasaman
threatenedtopunchherintheface.Withintheconfinesof
herrituals,shemightaswellhavebeenfreetodoanything.
Somehow,theanythingshefalteringlychosebecame
America.Uponherarrival,theexpansivenessofchoice
becameforeign,likeshe,wonderinghowitcouldbethat
hereffortlessnessnowfeltunwieldyandmisplaced.
here [13:05]
have a min to catch up? walk and talk?
here [13:05]
haveamintocatchup?walkandtalk?
there [20:23]
sorry i stopped answering
there [20:23]
sorryistoppedanswering
there [20:24]
i went grocery shopping
there [20:24]
iwentgroceryshopping
there [20:24]
and picked up my dry cleaning
there [20:24]
andpickedupmydrycleaning
there [20:25]
and then had no hands left
there [20:25]
andthenhadnohandsleft
there [20:25]
to text you back
there [20:25]
totextyouback
Shespendsmostofherfirstyearalone.Still,shehearsit
overandover.Wow,shesoundssoAmericannow,her
lovedonesbackhomesay.Shecanhearhergrandmother’s
disapprovingpoutfromtheotherendoftheline.Therewas
nopossibleinterpretationinwhichthiscouldnotbe
perceivedasaninsult.Shewonderedhowthebody
coulddisplayperceptiblechange,inthebendingof
thepalateandthecurvingofthetongue,whenthe
minddidn'tyetbelong.Fortheveryfirsttime,her
neighborhoodThaispotbringsoutherregularorder
withouthandingoveramenu.Welcomehome,she
thinks.TheKhaoSoitastesbetterhere.
here [11:28]
i just woke up
here [11:28]
stayed out late with a new friend last night!!
here [11:28]
stayedoutlatewithanewfriendlastnight!!
here [11:28]
sorry i missed your call
here [11:28]
sorryimissedyourcall
Sheisvisitinghomeforwinterbreak,backatthe
punkclubwherebeerscost50centsandregulars
keepaneyeout,gatheringprotectivelyaround
lurkingthreats.Asherfriendsdebateonpoliticsand
shamethecountryshechosetomigrateherlifeto,
shesitsmuteandembarrassed,thinking,youknow,
it’sactuallynotasbadastheythink.Peopleare
smartandpoliticallymindedanddisagreewiththe
systemsinplacethere,too.Shethinksbacktothe
firstAmericanfriendshemade,boisterous,loudand
unlikeanyoneshewouldhaveanticipatedloving,
whoboxedupandpackedherwholeapartmentina
timeofneed,noquestionsasked.Shewondersif
theEuropeansociallyendorsedlamentingwould
haverestrainedherchildhoodfriendsfromdoing
thesame.Shedoesn’tsayanyofthistoher
confidantsandtheirmucholderboyfriends-with
yearsoflawschoolandinternationalrelationsuni
undertheirbelt.Outloud,shetellsthemthat
anyways,thecountry’scontextisdifferent.Now
thatshehasbeenthereafewyears,she’slearned
fromthefutileattemptsofscalingsocialistsystems
andcollectivistoutlookstothesheernewnessand
expanseofAmerica,sheadds.Well,ultimately,he
suggests,sheisstillupholdingthestandardsofa
morallyabjectinstitutionthatpromoteswarwaging,
jobinsecurityandtheprivatizationofpublic
sectors,andthat’ssomethingonlyshecandecide
whetherornotsheisokwith.Shemovesaway
fromthegrime-cakedwall,leavingspaceforthe
couplenowgrindingupagainstit.Sheseeswhathe
means,butlike,whoisn'treally.Ourpoliticians
mayhavemoredecorumbuttheinstitutionsare
rottenallthesame.Yeahahatrue.Wantanother
beer?Anyways,it'snotlikeshe’sintendingtostay
theremorethanjustthroughschool,theeducationis
greatbutshedoesn’tseeherselfthereforever.They
allnodinunderstanding.Shetakesasipofher
Rothauspilsnerandsoothesherinsecurity,suddenly
soself-awareofthetensenessinherjaw,by
checkingherphone.
there [00:25]
it's ok mama go to bed, i have my keys
there [00:25]
it'sokmamagotobed,ihavemykeys
there [00:25]
i think i'll head home soon
there [00:25]
ithinki'llheadhomesoon
there [00:25]
i'm about done here
there [00:25]
i'maboutdonehere
there [00:23]
Your father has fallen asleep in front of the TV again
there [00:23]
YourfatherhasfallenasleepinfrontoftheTVagain
there [00:24]
Any idea when you might head home?
there [00:24]
Anyideawhenyoumightheadhome?
there [00:26]
Love you baby girl.
there [00:26]
Loveyoubabygirl.
there [00:26]
I got you some of your favorite lemon yoghurts
there [00:26]
Igotyousomeofyourfavoritelemonyoghurts
there [00:26]
Theyre're in the fridge.
there [00:26]
Theyre'reinthefridge.
Shelooksupatthesepeoplesheloves,withwhom
shespenthermostformativeteenagenights,nights
whichtastedofDöner,discountchocolate,and
hand-rolledcigarettes,discussingphilosophyand
politicsandmovingweightlessthroughtheemptied
streetsofherbirthplace,untiltheydecidedtofinally
dothedishesandgotobedwithsunrise.Shethinks
abouthow,withjustalittleperspective,their
veneratedopen-mindednessseemsdreadfully
narrownow.
here [15:54]
hey! i'm so sorry this is long overdue
here [15:54]
hey!i'msosorrythisislongoverdue
bbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzz.bbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
SheisinbedwithanAmericanboy.Aboywho
yesterday,pickeduparockintheshapeofaheart,
andeffortlesslygiftedittoher.Shewakesupfrom
thesoundofherbuzzingphoneearlyinthe
morning,afteraninebriatedhouseparty.Shestares
frozenatherscreen,unsureofherownresolve.
here [07:32]
it's so nice to hear from you
here [07:32]
it'ssonicetohearfromyou
here [07:48]
I really appreciate you reaching out. I missed you too
here [07:48]
Ireallyappreciateyoureachingout.Imissedyoutoo
here [08:01]
i've been really good actually. I finally made friends. i'm starting to feel happy
here [08:01]
i'vebeenreallygoodactually.Ifinallymadefriends.i'mstartingtofeelhappy
here [08:13]
i'm sorry to hear that
here [08:13]
i'msorrytohearthat
here [08:14]
what's it like?
here [08:14]
what'sitlike?
here [08:28]
We talked about this already
here [08:28]
Wetalkedaboutthisalready
there [08:31]
i dont know what to say to you
there [08:31]
idontknowwhattosaytoyou
there [08:31]
this is not the kind of life i want
there [08:31]
thisisnotthekindoflifeiwant
there [13:32]
How are you?
there [13:47]
I guess i missed you and hoped you were doing well.
there [13:47]
Iguessimissedyouandhopedyouweredoingwell.
there [14:12]
I'm alright. School has been rough.
there [14:12]
I'malright.Schoolhasbeenrough.
there [14:25]
I don't understand why we couldn't make it work.
there [14:25]
Idon'tunderstandwhywecouldn'tmakeitwork.
there [14:31]
so youre just gonna give up then
there [14:31]
soyourejustgonnagiveupthen
ShelooksovertotheTomSawyerlook-alikesound
asleepbyherside.Shequietlyputsherphoneback
onthemilkcratethatfunctionsasthisAmerican
boy’snightstand,rollsoverintohisarmsandgoes
backtosleep.
here [15:32]
hey sorry i stopped answering
here [15:32]
heysorryistoppedanswering
here [15:32]
i was getting my hair cut
here [15:32]
iwasgettingmyhaircut
here [15:32]
felt rude to the hairdresser somehow
here [15:32]
feltrudetothehairdressersomehow
Shehasn’tstoodupfromherdeskinhours.She
forgottoeatlunch.Sheisonherthirdcupofcoffee,
whichbynowhasfullysubstitutedwaterinher
diet.It'sprobablyfinebecauseshereadsomewhere
thenetoutcomestillresultsinhydrationfromthe
waterneededtobrewthecoffee.Shecan’treally
rememberwhatthesourcewasbutdismissesher
doubts,rubshercarpaltunnelandkeepsclicking
away,maskingthepixelsonhermonitor.Herfirst
full-timejob,covetedandglamorous,will
eventuallyrevealitselfasdeceiving.Shewon’t
realizeuntilafewyearslaterthatthisishowit
usuallygoes.Fornow,shestillfeelstheintensityof
themosturgentandcompletelydeferrabletaskin
theworld.Herphonerings.
there [18:01]
i miss you, we haven't talked in forever
there [18:01]
imissyou,wehaven'ttalkedinforever
there [18:01]
also this is so us lol :
there [18:01]
alsothisissouslol:
Shelooksatthebondingeffortonhersmallscreen.
Shesmiles.Glancesatthetime.She’llrespond
later.
here [18:04]
hey bb, how are you doing
here [18:04]
heybb,howareyoudoing
here [18:05]
i just got off work
here [18:05]
ijustgotoffwork
there [07:13]
Noooooooo I'm sorry I was in bed already. I'll call you when I get off work
there [07:13]
NooooooooI'msorryIwasinbedalready.I'llcallyouwhenIgetoffwork
here [13:14]
i'm sorry, i cant, i just hopped on a work call
here [13:14]
i'msorry,icant,ijusthoppedonaworkcall
here [13:14]
This client is being so frustating
here [13:14]
Thisclientisbeingsofrustating
here [13:14]
i'll call you back when i get off
here [13:14]
i'llcallyoubackwhenigetoff
here [17:57]
you must be in bed already
here [17:57]
youmustbeinbedalready
here [17:57]
Sorry the call went long...
here [17:57]
Sorrythecallwentlong...
here [17:57]
Call me tomorrow when you have a free sec
here [17:57]
Callmetomorrowwhenyouhaveafreesec
Outofsightoutofmindcouldn’thavebeen
proclaimedbysomeonewhodwells.Itisabsolutely
neveroutofmind,shethinks.
there [15:13]
Can you call me back? Have a request for your grandfather's 80th. 😘🌈
there [15:13]
Canyoucallmeback?Havearequestforyourgrandfather's80th.😘🌈
Sheswivelsaroundonherdeskchair,reachingfor
herphoneandspillscoffeealloverherkeyboard.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Shefalters,flailinghands,lookinglefttorightfora
solutiontoherself-inflictedmisfortune.She
despairsatthefrequencyofthesemishapsandher
incapacitytocorrectherdeep-seatedbadhabits.
Shesettlesonusingthepillowfromthebed,with
itssidesflushagainstthreedifferentbedroomwalls,
andthefourthtouchingherdesk.Sheusespartof
herplaceofresttocleanupthemessessheleavesin
herwake.Well,thatkindofworked.Shelooksat
thecoldbrewsoakedpillow,thesameoneher
motherhadboughtherfromthemallwhenshefirst
movedtoAmericasixyearsago.Sheglancesatthe
clock,notyetadjustedtolastmonth’sdaylight
savings,andsighsatthechaosthathasalready
permeatedherdayat9:13AM.Sheforgetsto
answerhergrandmother’stext.
here [18:54]
hey! sorry just seeing this
here [18:54]
hey!sorryjustseeingthis
[CalendarReminder:Interview]
Sheisgettingreadyforherinterviewandcarefully
blowdryingherhair,puttingeachwarmstrandina
curler.Shelearnedhowonline(thesubstitutefor
informationtypicallypasseddownfrommothersto
daughters).Shestartsearly,becausesheisalways
late.Somehow,still,shefillsupallthattimewith
non-pressing,arbitrarytasksthatsuddenlyfeel
itchingtoher.Shesortsthecoinsthathavebeen
sittingonthedesksinceshemovedtoherfourth
NewYorkapartment.Sheunscrewsthekitchen
cupboardswiththeintenttopaintthemverdigris.
Hadtheylivedinthesamecountry,sheandher
friendwouldhavesurelypaintedthecupboards
togetherovergossipandwine,liketheyusedtodo.
Herwanderingthoughtsremindhersheforgotto
answerapressingmatter.
here [09:17]
I’m so sorry i forgot to answer this
here [09:17]
I’msosorryiforgottoanswerthis
here [09:17]
i feel terrible
here [09:17]
ifeelterrible
here [09:20]
I just gotta double check
here [09:20]
Ijustgottadoublecheck
there [15:18]
I think you’re obsessed by this sense of obligation
there [15:18]
Ithinkyou’reobsessedbythissenseofobligation
there [15:18]
Just answer, its as simple as that
there [15:18]
Justanswer,itsassimpleasthat
there [15:19]
So are those dates good for you?
there [15:19]
Soarethosedatesgoodforyou?
there [15:20]
Double check what
there [15:20]
Doublecheckwhat
Shesuddenlyrememberstheoriginaltaskathand.
Shechecksthetime,realizesshewouldhavebeen
ontimetotheinterview,5minutesago.Shepulls
outthehaircurlersfromthehalfofherheadshegot
to,tiesitbackinabunandscruamblestothe
subway,which,expectedly,isrunning7minlate.
Shecan’thelpbutthinkoftheironyofheartattacks
andsuicides,alwayshappeningthedaysshecan’t
getherlifetogether.
Goodmorning█████████!Ihopeyouarewellandhadawonderfulweekend!IamsorrytoinformyouthatLtrainsareexperiencingsignificantdelaysduetoanaccident.Iamterriblysorryfortheinconveniencethismaycause!Imaybeafewminuteslatetoourmeeting.Sincerestapologies.
Annoyedatherself,sheunlocksherphone
manuallyafterfaceIDfailstwice,andswallowsthe
costofarushhourtaxitoManhattan.
Howhaveyoubeen?Haveyoukeptintouch?|
Shethinksofhertwofriendsalmosteveryday,yet
shehasn'ttextedinyears.Afterslow
back-and-forths,theyeventuallystoppedinitiating,
too.Shenowrealizesshelosttheirnumbersalong
withherlastshatteredphone,yearsago.Shehad
toldherselfshewouldnevermisssomeoneso
deeplyyetlackthecouragetodoanythingaboutit.
Shehasgrowntounderstandtheweightofpassing
timeandextendingspace.
here [13:23]
omg what happened???
here [13:23]
omgwhathappened???
here [13:23]
is everything ok?
here [13:23]
iseverythingok?
there [19:23]
i had such a wild day in the ER
there [19:23]
ihadsuchawilddayintheER
here [13:26]
WOW ahahahahah
here [13:26]
WOWahahahahah
here [13:26]
you scared me for a sec
here [13:26]
youscaredmeforasec
here [13:26]
that's insane
Itstruckher,thespeedatwhichherattention
sharpenswhenfacingthepossibilityofurgency,
whenshemaybeneeded.Yetshethinksofthe
reliabilityatwhichherattentionimmediatelydrifts,
whentheinterruptionisdrivenbyleisureorlove.
Sheconsidershowaimlessthatis.
Hello,ThankyouforyourpatienceasIsortedoutmyschedule.Herearesomeavailabilities:
here [16:34]
Look at this article
here [16:34]
Lookatthisarticle
here [16:34]
Things are starting to feel out of control
here [16:34]
Thingsarestartingtofeeloutofcontrol
here [16:34]
I don't know what to do
here [16:34]
Idon'tknowwhattodo
there [22:35]
Time to move back??
there [22:35]
Timetomoveback??
Herlegstartsfallingasleepfrombeinginthesame
positionfortoolong.Sheneverknowswhattosay
whensheisaskedthis,anyhow.Thecultural
asymmetrythatparalyzedherwhenshefirstmoved
awaynowmakesherdoubttheinevitabilityof
home.Shewatchesasherrelationshipsshift—and
nowletsthem.Shestandsupandleansonthesink,
anattemptatrelieffromtheshootingpaininher
toes.Cursingherself,sheremembersavideoshe
sawsomewheresayingsittingonthetoiletforover
10minuteswasbadforyou.Shecan’trecallthe
specifics.
here [17:01]
Sorry I got distracted
here [17:01]
SorryIgotdistracted
here [17:01]
and forgot to finish my thought
here [17:01]
andforgottofinishmythought
there [23:01]
All good, I have to go to bed anyways
there [23:01]
Allgood,Ihavetogotobedanyways
there [23:01]
Long day tomorrow!
there [23:01]
Longdaytomorrow!
there [23:01]
Let’s keep talking about this later
there [23:01]
Let’skeeptalkingaboutthislater
Sheseesherexistenceasdiscontinuous—brief
connectionsseveredandshiftedalongtwoparallel
timelines.Shecannotshakethefeelingthat
geographydrivestheprogressofherrelationships.
Wheresheisnot,lovecrystallizes,immovable,
unchangeable,ungrowable,untilshefinallydecides
toreleasethemwitharetreat.
here [08:13]
I just saw the news
here [08:13]
Ijustsawthenews
here [08:13]
Is everyone ok??
here [08:13]
Iseveryoneok??
here [08:15]
Dad pick up please
here [08:15]
Dadpickupplease
here [08:26]
We’re ok ma chérie. We were out walking the dog. We’ll call you back in a bit.
here [08:26]
We’reokmachérie.Wewereoutwalkingthedog.We’llcallyoubackinabit.
Shehasbeendrowningunderascheduleofherown
design,drivenbyherincapabilityofdeclining,a
definingflaw.
there [19:43]
hey can we talk
there [19:43]
heycanwetalk
Shegrowsincreasinglyfrustratedbythepressures
ofsplittinghertime.Thejumpcutsbetweenherlife
andtheloveshehasforothers,witnessedinstolen
moments.Sheishalfofawhole,halfintelligent,
halffunny,halfloving,halfhere,halfthere.Sheis,
shethinks,notenough.
here [14:27]
sure whats up
Sheconvincesherselfshecan'tpossiblyhavetime
tospare:timetolaughatthejoke,timetotalkabout
nothingatallforthreehoursonthephone.The
non-consensualnatureoflongdistance
communicationgoesundisputed,evidencedbythe
understandingthattherearenoalternatives.The
strainfromtherequiredaccessibilitytoherattention
atanyhouroftheday,regardlessofcontext,wears
herdown.
there [20:28]
Just had a bad fight
there [20:28]
Justhadabadfight
there [20:28]
I think we may have broken up
there [20:28]
Ithinkwemayhavebrokenup
Dependably,remorsesetsbackin.Shelosesthe
sanctimoniousbeliefintheangershehasnurtured
overthecourseofyears,orperhaps,withinthelast
10minutes.Sheagainbecomesincongruoushere,
preciselybecausesheisvanishingthere.The
infinitecycle—loveinterruptingherday,day
disruptingherdevotion—perhapsrevealsthetrue
burdenofindependence.
Sheisexcitedlyrecountingastorytothemanshe
lovesastheywalkhandinhandtotheir
neighborhoodcoffeeshopwheretheclientèlehas
gottenprogressivelymoremonolithicoverthe
years.Trashskittersalongtheguttersinagustof
icingwindassheconfidesthatshe'sfinallycaught
herstrideafteradecadehere.Didheeverthinkthat
somehow,althoughtheweatheriscold,shehas
nevermindedNewYorkwinterbecauseofthe
brightness.Winteroutwestissomuchnicer
though,herloveinterjects.Shetellshimshefinds
theperpetuityofitmindnumbing.Hepreemptively
thinks,youknow,he’llprobably,atsomepoint,
havetomovethereforwork.Thesubtexthangs
betweenthem.Doesn'theunderstandheraversion
tothatplace?Everythingisrighthere,can’thesee.
Andshe’salreadysofarfromhome.Theycan
figureitout,butlike,hecan’texpecthertodrop
everythingandmoveanotherthreetimezones
away.It’sok,theycancrossthatbridgewhenthey
cometoit.Shewondersifhecomprehendswhatit’s
likelovingasisterasmuchasshedoes,andhaving
toacceptthereductionoftheirrelationshiptoa
stringofabsentmindedtextsandbi-annualvisits?
Hetellshersheisstubborn.Shestillrefusestoeven
giveitachance.Herwithdrawalurgeshimtostop,
shedespisesarguingonthestreet.Sheisunableto
articulatethelandscapeofherhomesickness,ina
borrowedtongue,toamanwhohasneverhadto
reconcilewithabsenceaspresence.
here [15:08]
i can't talk right now
here [15:08]
ican'ttalkrightnow
here [15:08]
ill call you back later
here [15:08]
illcallyoubacklater
there [21:06]
yoyoyo whats up
there [21:06]
yoyoyowhatsup
there [21:06]
i need your advice on something
there [21:06]
ineedyouradviceonsomething
Shedoesn'tcallback.Shecan’tbearsharingher
mundane,convolutedunhappinesswiththebiased.
Theappearanceofsteadfastnessdeceivesboththe
audienceandperformeralike.
here [03:22]
Hey! Sorry I missed this text somehow
here [03:22]
Hey!SorryImissedthistextsomehow
Sheislisteningtoherfriendrantbeautifullyabout
themundane.Theyfinallygottogetherforhappy
hour,afterreschedulingandraincheckingbackand
forthafewtimes.Sheglancesatherphone,which
flasheswitharequestfromoverthere.
there [23:12]
Which one do you like better? Can’t decide
there [23:12]
Whichonedoyoulikebetter?Can’tdecide
Shelooksawayfromherdevice,reignsinherfocus
totheconversationathand,drivenbyaconviction
inthenecessityofundividedpresence.Yet,afissure
takesshapeinherattentionandslowlywidens—
thesegaps,shereflects,havebecomeembeddedin
theveryfoundationofthepersonsheisnow.
Perhapsrelationshipswerealwaysmeanttobe
pulledapart,bydistanceandbytime,allowingfor
moresurfacetobecovered,offeringcaremore
permanenceandstability.Shethinksofhowadult
lovemightsimplybeanexpressionofsplittingand
tearingmomentsintomanylittlepieces,and
sendingthemback,scatteredonebyoneintothe
atmosphere.Ultimately,shemissesthewindowto
giveheradviceonwhichoutfittowear.Guiltily,
sheglancesatherphoneoncemore,andfailsto
noticethealmostimperceptiblesignof
disappointmentonherfriend’sface,sittingacross
fromheratthebar,too.