GMT-5                           GMT+1

Answered Interruptions

written                 &

programmed

by

Chloé

Desaulles

SheleftforAmericakickingandscreaming.Shealmost
seemedtoforgetshehadwillinglysubmittedthe
applicationherself,theconsequencesofherownchoices
eclipsedbyherprincipledcommitmenttopleasingothers.
Shehadalreadymadeuphermindontheculture,the
ethics,thelackofpublictransportation,Americasblind
devotiontofaith,anddistrustincommunityorin
anythingelsesheseemedtovalue,forthatmatter.
THERE [06:13]
Just give it a shot darling.
there [06:14]
You will love it.
Ithadbecomeapointofpridetodragherfeetthewhole
wayacrosstheAtlanticoceanatonceareflectionofher
fearofdeparture,andaperformanceforthoseleftbehind.
Herbeliefintheexpansivenessofherownworldviews
onlygrewstrongerasshesattherealone,pickingather
macandcheesewiththecheapplasticcutleryfromthe
studenthall,convincedoftheunfoundedjudgementshe
hadalreadymadeaboutherclassmates.Unlikethe
coddled,thesheltered,andthesuburb-raised,shewas
opinionated,well-traveled,andmultilingual.Althoughshe
wouldneverperceivetheironyinit,sherelentlessly
devouredAmericanexportsandregurgitatedits
progressiverhetoricintocritiquesofherstiffhome
systems.Shegrewupgoingtopunkshowsfilledwith
thoughtfuladdicts,wasgiventhefreedomtowalkhome
lateatnightgigglingwithhergirlfriends,hidingfrom
lurkingmenincars.Shetellspeopleshealmostgotintoa
streetfightonce.Inreality,shestoodpetrifiedasaman
threatenedtopunchherintheface.Withintheconfinesof
herrituals,shemightaswellhavebeenfreetodoanything.
Somehow,theanythingshefalteringlychosebecame
America.Uponherarrival,theexpansivenessofchoice
becameforeign,likeshe,wonderinghowitcouldbethat
hereffortlessnessnowfeltunwieldyandmisplaced.
missedcall[13:03]
here [13:04]
hey!
here [13:05]
have a min to catch up? walk and talk?
there [20:23]
hey!
there [20:23]
sorry i stopped answering
there [20:24]
i went grocery shopping
there [20:24]
and picked up my dry cleaning
there [20:25]
and then had no hands left
there [20:25]
to text you back
Shespendsmostofherfirstyearalone.Still,shehearsit
overandover.Wow,shesoundssoAmericannow,her
lovedonesbackhomesay.Shecanhearhergrandmothers
disapprovingpoutfromtheotherendoftheline.Therewas
nopossibleinterpretationinwhichthiscouldnotbe
perceivedasaninsult.Shewonderedhowthebody
coulddisplayperceptiblechange,inthebendingof
thepalateandthecurvingofthetongue,whenthe
minddidn'tyetbelong.Fortheveryfirsttime,her
neighborhoodThaispotbringsoutherregularorder
withouthandingoveramenu.Welcomehome,she
thinks.TheKhaoSoitastesbetterhere.
here [11:28]
i just woke up
here [11:28]
stayed out late with a new friend last night!!
here [11:28]
sorry i missed your call
Sheisvisitinghomeforwinterbreak,backatthe
punkclubwherebeerscost50centsandregulars
keepaneyeout,gatheringprotectivelyaround
lurkingthreats.Asherfriendsdebateonpoliticsand
shamethecountryshechosetomigrateherlifeto,
shesitsmuteandembarrassed,thinking,youknow,
itsactuallynotasbadastheythink.Peopleare
smartandpoliticallymindedanddisagreewiththe
systemsinplacethere,too.Shethinksbacktothe
firstAmericanfriendshemade,boisterous,loudand
unlikeanyoneshewouldhaveanticipatedloving,
whoboxedupandpackedherwholeapartmentina
timeofneed,noquestionsasked.Shewondersif
theEuropeansociallyendorsedlamentingwould
haverestrainedherchildhoodfriendsfromdoing
thesame.Shedoesntsayanyofthistoher
confidantsandtheirmucholderboyfriends-with
yearsoflawschoolandinternationalrelationsuni
undertheirbelt.Outloud,shetellsthemthat
anyways,thecountryscontextisdifferent.Now
thatshehasbeenthereafewyears,sheslearned
fromthefutileattemptsofscalingsocialistsystems
andcollectivistoutlookstothesheernewnessand
expanseofAmerica,sheadds.Well,ultimately,he
suggests,sheisstillupholdingthestandardsofa
morallyabjectinstitutionthatpromoteswarwaging,
jobinsecurityandtheprivatizationofpublic
sectors,andthatssomethingonlyshecandecide
whetherornotsheisokwith.Shemovesaway
fromthegrime-cakedwall,leavingspaceforthe
couplenowgrindingupagainstit.Sheseeswhathe
means,butlike,whoisn'treally.Ourpoliticians
mayhavemoredecorumbuttheinstitutionsare
rottenallthesame.Yeahahatrue.Wantanother
beer?Anyways,it'snotlikeshesintendingtostay
theremorethanjustthroughschool,theeducationis
greatbutshedoesntseeherselfthereforever.They
allnodinunderstanding.Shetakesasipofher
Rothauspilsnerandsoothesherinsecurity,suddenly
soself-awareofthetensenessinherjaw,by
checkingherphone.
there [00:25]
it's ok mama go to bed, i have my keys
there [00:25]
i think i'll head home soon
there [00:25]
i'm about done here
there [00:26]
love you
there [00:26]
sleep tight
there [00:23]
Hi honey.
there [00:23]
Your father has fallen asleep in front of the TV again
there [00:24]
Any idea when you might head home?
there [00:26]
Love you baby girl.
there [00:26]
I got you some of your favorite lemon yoghurts
there [00:26]
Theyre're in the fridge.
Shelooksupatthesepeoplesheloves,withwhom
shespenthermostformativeteenagenights,nights
whichtastedofDöner,discountchocolate,and
hand-rolledcigarettes,discussingphilosophyand
politicsandmovingweightlessthroughtheemptied
streetsofherbirthplace,untiltheydecidedtofinally
dothedishesandgotobedwithsunrise.Shethinks
abouthow,withjustalittleperspective,their
veneratedopen-mindednessseemsdreadfully
narrownow.
here [15:54]
hey! i'm so sorry this is long overdue
bbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzz.bbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
SheisinbedwithanAmericanboy.Aboywho
yesterday,pickeduparockintheshapeofaheart,
andeffortlesslygiftedittoher.Shewakesupfrom
thesoundofherbuzzingphoneearlyinthe
morning,afteraninebriatedhouseparty.Shestares
frozenatherscreen,unsureofherownresolve.
here [07:32]
wow, hey
here [07:32]
it's so nice to hear from you
here [07:48]
I really appreciate you reaching out. I missed you too
here [08:01]
i've been really good actually. I finally made friends. i'm starting to feel happy
here [08:04]
how are you?
here [08:13]
i'm sorry to hear that
here [08:14]
what's it like?
here [08:28]
We talked about this already
there [08:31]
i dont know what to say to you
there [08:31]
we're 20
there [08:31]
this is not the kind of life i want
there [13:32]
How are you?
there [13:46]
Ya. idk
there [13:47]
I guess i missed you and hoped you were doing well.
there [13:56]
...
there [14:12]
I'm alright. School has been rough.
there [14:25]
I don't understand why we couldn't make it work.
there [14:31]
so youre just gonna give up then
ShelooksovertotheTomSawyerlook-alikesound
asleepbyherside.Shequietlyputsherphoneback
onthemilkcratethatfunctionsasthisAmerican
boysnightstand,rollsoverintohisarmsandgoes
backtosleep.
here [15:32]
hey sorry i stopped answering
here [15:32]
i was getting my hair cut
here [15:32]
felt rude to the hairdresser somehow
Shehasntstoodupfromherdeskinhours.She
forgottoeatlunch.Sheisonherthirdcupofcoffee,
whichbynowhasfullysubstitutedwaterinher
diet.It'sprobablyfinebecauseshereadsomewhere
thenetoutcomestillresultsinhydrationfromthe
waterneededtobrewthecoffee.Shecantreally
rememberwhatthesourcewasbutdismissesher
doubts,rubshercarpaltunnelandkeepsclicking
away,maskingthepixelsonhermonitor.Herfirst
full-timejob,covetedandglamorous,will
eventuallyrevealitselfasdeceiving.Shewont
realizeuntilafewyearslaterthatthisishowit
usuallygoes.Fornow,shestillfeelstheintensityof
themosturgentandcompletelydeferrabletaskin
theworld.Herphonerings.
there [18:01]
i miss you, we haven't talked in forever
there [18:01]
also this is so us lol :
[meme]
Shelooksatthebondingeffortonhersmallscreen.
Shesmiles.Glancesatthetime.Shellrespond
later.
here [18:04]
hey bb, how are you doing
here [18:05]
i just got off work
here [18:05]
horrible day
here [18:05]
can i call?
missedcall[18:14]
there [07:13]
Noooooooo I'm sorry I was in bed already. I'll call you when I get off work
missedcall[13:02]
here [13:14]
i'm sorry, i cant, i just hopped on a work call
here [13:14]
This client is being so frustating
here [13:14]
i'll call you back when i get off
there [19:14]
okkkkkkk
missedcall[17:56]
here [17:57]
you must be in bed already
here [17:57]
Sorry the call went long...
here [17:57]
Call me tomorrow when you have a free sec
Outofsightoutofmindcouldnthavebeen
proclaimedbysomeonewhodwells.Itisabsolutely
neveroutofmind,shethinks.
missedcall[15:13]
there [15:13]
Can you call me back? Have a request for your grandfather's 80th. 😘🌈
Sheswivelsaroundonherdeskchair,reachingfor
herphoneandspillscoffeealloverherkeyboard.
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Shefalters,flailinghands,lookinglefttorightfora
solutiontoherself-inflictedmisfortune.She
despairsatthefrequencyofthesemishapsandher
incapacitytocorrectherdeep-seatedbadhabits.
Shesettlesonusingthepillowfromthebed,with
itssidesflushagainstthreedifferentbedroomwalls,
andthefourthtouchingherdesk.Sheusespartof
herplaceofresttocleanupthemessessheleavesin
herwake.Well,thatkindofworked.Shelooksat
thecoldbrewsoakedpillow,thesameoneher
motherhadboughtherfromthemallwhenshefirst
movedtoAmericasixyearsago.Sheglancesatthe
clock,notyetadjustedtolastmonthsdaylight
savings,andsighsatthechaosthathasalready
permeatedherdayat9:13AM.Sheforgetsto
answerhergrandmotherstext.
here [18:54]
hey! sorry just seeing this
[CalendarReminder:Interview]
Sheisgettingreadyforherinterviewandcarefully
blowdryingherhair,puttingeachwarmstrandina
curler.Shelearnedhowonline(thesubstitutefor
informationtypicallypasseddownfrommothersto
daughters).Shestartsearly,becausesheisalways
late.Somehow,still,shefillsupallthattimewith
non-pressing,arbitrarytasksthatsuddenlyfeel
itchingtoher.Shesortsthecoinsthathavebeen
sittingonthedesksinceshemovedtoherfourth
NewYorkapartment.Sheunscrewsthekitchen
cupboardswiththeintenttopaintthemverdigris.
Hadtheylivedinthesamecountry,sheandher
friendwouldhavesurelypaintedthecupboards
togetherovergossipandwine,liketheyusedtodo.
Herwanderingthoughtsremindhersheforgotto
answerapressingmatter.
here [09:17]
I’m so sorry i forgot to answer this
here [09:17]
i feel terrible
here [09:19]
I think so
here [09:20]
I just gotta double check
there [15:18]
I think you’re obsessed by this sense of obligation
there [15:18]
Just answer, its as simple as that
there [15:19]
So are those dates good for you?
there [15:20]
Double check what
Shesuddenlyrememberstheoriginaltaskathand.
Shechecksthetime,realizesshewouldhavebeen
ontimetotheinterview,5minutesago.Shepulls
outthehaircurlersfromthehalfofherheadshegot
to,tiesitbackinabunandscruamblestothe
subway,which,expectedly,isrunning7minlate.
Shecanthelpbutthinkoftheironyofheartattacks
andsuicides,alwayshappeningthedaysshecant
getherlifetogether.
Goodmorning!Ihopeyouarewellandhadawonderfulweekend!IamsorrytoinformyouthatLtrainsareexperiencingsignificantdelaysduetoanaccident.Iamterriblysorryfortheinconveniencethismaycause!Imaybeafewminuteslatetoourmeeting.Sincerestapologies.
Annoyedatherself,sheunlocksherphone
manuallyafterfaceIDfailstwice,andswallowsthe
costofarushhourtaxitoManhattan.
Howhaveyoubeen?Haveyoukeptintouch?|
Shethinksofhertwofriendsalmosteveryday,yet
shehasn'ttextedinyears.Afterslow
back-and-forths,theyeventuallystoppedinitiating,
too.Shenowrealizesshelosttheirnumbersalong
withherlastshatteredphone,yearsago.Shehad
toldherselfshewouldnevermisssomeoneso
deeplyyetlackthecouragetodoanythingaboutit.
Shehasgrowntounderstandtheweightofpassing
timeandextendingspace.
here [13:23]
omg what happened???
here [13:23]
is everything ok?
there [19:23]
i had such a wild day in the ER
[audiomessage13:25]
here [13:26]
WOW ahahahahah
here [13:26]
you scared me for a sec
here [13:26]
that's insane
Itstruckher,thespeedatwhichherattention
sharpenswhenfacingthepossibilityofurgency,
whenshemaybeneeded.Yetshethinksofthe
reliabilityatwhichherattentionimmediatelydrifts,
whentheinterruptionisdrivenbyleisureorlove.
Sheconsidershowaimlessthatis.
Hello,ThankyouforyourpatienceasIsortedoutmyschedule.Herearesomeavailabilities:
here [16:34]
Look at this article
here [16:34]
Things are starting to feel out of control
here [16:34]
I don't know what to do
there [22:35]
Time to move back??
Herlegstartsfallingasleepfrombeinginthesame
positionfortoolong.Sheneverknowswhattosay
whensheisaskedthis,anyhow.Thecultural
asymmetrythatparalyzedherwhenshefirstmoved
awaynowmakesherdoubttheinevitabilityof
home.Shewatchesasherrelationshipsshiftand
nowletsthem.Shestandsupandleansonthesink,
anattemptatrelieffromtheshootingpaininher
toes.Cursingherself,sheremembersavideoshe
sawsomewheresayingsittingonthetoiletforover
10minuteswasbadforyou.Shecantrecallthe
specifics.
here [17:01]
Sorry I got distracted
here [17:01]
and forgot to finish my thought
there [23:01]
All good, I have to go to bed anyways
there [23:01]
Long day tomorrow!
there [23:01]
Let’s keep talking about this later
Sheseesherexistenceasdiscontinuousbrief
connectionsseveredandshiftedalongtwoparallel
timelines.Shecannotshakethefeelingthat
geographydrivestheprogressofherrelationships.
Wheresheisnot,lovecrystallizes,immovable,
unchangeable,ungrowable,untilshefinallydecides
toreleasethemwitharetreat.
missedcall[08:12]
missedcall[08:13]
here [08:13]
Dad pick up
here [08:13]
I just saw the news
here [08:13]
Is everyone ok??
missedcall[08:14]
here [08:14]
Are you home
missedcall[08:15]
here [08:15]
Dad pick up please
missedcall[08:15]
missedcall[08:16]
missedcall[08:16]
missedcall[08:17]
missedcall[08:17]
here [08:26]
We’re ok ma chérie. We were out walking the dog. We’ll call you back in a bit.
Shehasbeendrowningunderascheduleofherown
design,drivenbyherincapabilityofdeclining,a
definingflaw.
there [19:43]
hey can we talk
[read13:44]
Shegrowsincreasinglyfrustratedbythepressures
ofsplittinghertime.Thejumpcutsbetweenherlife
andtheloveshehasforothers,witnessedinstolen
moments.Sheishalfofawhole,halfintelligent,
halffunny,halfloving,halfhere,halfthere.Sheis,
shethinks,notenough.
here [14:27]
sure whats up
Sheconvincesherselfshecan'tpossiblyhavetime
tospare:timetolaughatthejoke,timetotalkabout
nothingatallforthreehoursonthephone.The
non-consensualnatureoflongdistance
communicationgoesundisputed,evidencedbythe
understandingthattherearenoalternatives.The
strainfromtherequiredaccessibilitytoherattention
atanyhouroftheday,regardlessofcontext,wears
herdown.
there [20:28]
Just had a bad fight
there [20:28]
I think we may have broken up
Dependably,remorsesetsbackin.Shelosesthe
sanctimoniousbeliefintheangershehasnurtured
overthecourseofyears,orperhaps,withinthelast
10minutes.Sheagainbecomesincongruoushere,
preciselybecausesheisvanishingthere.The
infinitecycleloveinterruptingherday,day
disruptingherdevotionperhapsrevealsthetrue
burdenofindependence.
callstarted[14:29]
callended[17:56]
here [17:56]
I love you
here [17:56]
It'll pass
here [17:56]
I promise
Sheisexcitedlyrecountingastorytothemanshe
lovesastheywalkhandinhandtotheir
neighborhoodcoffeeshopwheretheclientèlehas
gottenprogressivelymoremonolithicoverthe
years.Trashskittersalongtheguttersinagustof
icingwindassheconfidesthatshe'sfinallycaught
herstrideafteradecadehere.Didheeverthinkthat
somehow,althoughtheweatheriscold,shehas
nevermindedNewYorkwinterbecauseofthe
brightness.Winteroutwestissomuchnicer
though,herloveinterjects.Shetellshimshefinds
theperpetuityofitmindnumbing.Hepreemptively
thinks,youknow,hellprobably,atsomepoint,
havetomovethereforwork.Thesubtexthangs
betweenthem.Doesn'theunderstandheraversion
tothatplace?Everythingisrighthere,canthesee.
Andshesalreadysofarfromhome.Theycan
figureitout,butlike,hecantexpecthertodrop
everythingandmoveanotherthreetimezones
away.Itsok,theycancrossthatbridgewhenthey
cometoit.Shewondersifhecomprehendswhatits
likelovingasisterasmuchasshedoes,andhaving
toacceptthereductionoftheirrelationshiptoa
stringofabsentmindedtextsandbi-annualvisits?
Hetellshersheisstubborn.Shestillrefusestoeven
giveitachance.Herwithdrawalurgeshimtostop,
shedespisesarguingonthestreet.Sheisunableto
articulatethelandscapeofherhomesickness,ina
borrowedtongue,toamanwhohasneverhadto
reconcilewithabsenceaspresence.
missedcall[15:04]
missedcall[15:05]
missedcall[15:06]
here [15:07]
hey
here [15:08]
i can't talk right now
here [15:08]
ill call you back later
there [21:06]
yoyoyo whats up
there [21:06]
answer me
there [21:06]
i need your advice on something
Shedoesn'tcallback.Shecantbearsharingher
mundane,convolutedunhappinesswiththebiased.
Theappearanceofsteadfastnessdeceivesboththe
audienceandperformeralike.
here [03:22]
Hey! Sorry I missed this text somehow
Sheislisteningtoherfriendrantbeautifullyabout
themundane.Theyfinallygottogetherforhappy
hour,afterreschedulingandraincheckingbackand
forthafewtimes.Sheglancesatherphone,which
flasheswitharequestfromoverthere.
there [23:12]
Which one do you like better? Can’t decide
Shelooksawayfromherdevice,reignsinherfocus
totheconversationathand,drivenbyaconviction
inthenecessityofundividedpresence.Yet,afissure
takesshapeinherattentionandslowlywidens
thesegaps,shereflects,havebecomeembeddedin
theveryfoundationofthepersonsheisnow.
Perhapsrelationshipswerealwaysmeanttobe
pulledapart,bydistanceandbytime,allowingfor
moresurfacetobecovered,offeringcaremore
permanenceandstability.Shethinksofhowadult
lovemightsimplybeanexpressionofsplittingand
tearingmomentsintomanylittlepieces,and
sendingthemback,scatteredonebyoneintothe
atmosphere.Ultimately,shemissesthewindowto
giveheradviceonwhichoutfittowear.Guiltily,
sheglancesatherphoneoncemore,andfailsto
noticethealmostimperceptiblesignof
disappointmentonherfriendsface,sittingacross
fromheratthebar,too.
AnsweredInterruptions